What Does Asexual Mean? 14 Signs & Considerations To Know If You're Ace

Until recently, lots of people assumed that everyone was sexually attracted to someone or another. But in fact, some people don't experience sexual attraction at all. That is, they have no interest in sex in general, no matter who it's with. That's where the concept of asexuality comes in.

According to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill LGBTQ Center, asexuality describes someone who does not experience sexual attraction toward individuals of any gender.

The term is expansive though, and it may hold a different meaning to different people who identify with it in different ways. For some, it's more about a lack of sexual desire in general, while for others, it's just a lack of desire for anyone in particular.

Asexuality exists on a spectrum that ranges from "no sexual interest or feelings at all" to "maybe sex under very specific circumstances," explains Good Vibrations staff sexologist Carol Queen, Ph.D.

Some people may feel more comfortable saying that they're on the asexual spectrum than classifying themselves as asexual since it leaves wiggle room for different gradations of the identity. 

Ultimately, there's no test that will tell you if you're asexual—it all comes down to how you feel.

"People who are not ace spectrum might still not always enjoy sex or not be super motivated to have it because there is ample variation within sexuality, too," says Queen. "But when someone discovers asexuality as a potential self-identity and really feels like 'that's it, that explains it,' they're probably ace."

Some people use the term graysexual to refer to being somewhere in between asexual and sexual. "If you're graysexual, you sometimes feel sexual attraction but not always," says Queen.

Some people find it helpful to separate sexual orientation from romantic orientation. So, an aromantic person is someone who isn't interested in romantic relationships, though they may still be interested in sexual relationships. "They might be put off by the idea of [romantic partnerships] or just experience little or no desire or interest," says Queen.

For a different example, take pansexual vs. panromantic. A pansexual person is someone who can be attracted to people of all genders. A panromantic person is someone who is open to romantic relationships with any gender, though they may or may not experience sexual attraction.

These identities can also be used in conjunction. So, someone could be biromantic asexual, for example, or aromantic asexual. Or somewhere in between! 

One popular misconception is that asexual people can't fall in love—but they absolutely can.

Just like it's not really clear what makes someone heterosexual, we don't know what makes someone asexual, says Darnell. Some people feel they were always that way, while others may become asexual because they feel that societal conventions around how people have sex don't work for them, says Queen. 

Where you are on the asexual spectrum may change throughout your life. For example, some women begin identifying as asexual due to hormonal shifts around menopause, says Queen. Some young people might begin to identify as asexual after having sex and realizing they don't enjoy it. "But very often, if someone 'comes out' as asexual, it basically acknowledges what they have felt all along," Queen says. 

You might wonder if you're asexual if you've been experiencing a lower libido than usual or in comparison to others. Even among allosexual people (aka people who are not on the asexual spectrum), it's common to not want sex sometimes.

The key difference between being asexual and having a lower libido is whether you feel this lack of interest in sex is at the core of who you are or merely a challenge you are facing. Feeling like you can't get turned on (even though you want to) is often linked to a psychological, physiological, or relational problem that people can fix, whereas asexuality is an intrinsic trait that you probably can't change and wouldn't necessarily want to, Shane explains. 

"A person with low libido likely still feels interest or attraction, but there's not much fuel in the engine, so to speak—no, or a very limited, sense of urge," says Queen. "They might be really dissatisfied with this, and very much want to get their 'oomph' back. An asexual person, once they are comfortable with themselves as they are, probably won't feel this way."